ellsworths

You know sometimes you have weird feelings and you think you're just nuts so you keep it to yourself? And then one day you find out that you're not alone, and it makes you feel validated and a little less nuts and it's such a relief you have to share it just in case someone else thinks they're the only one? Well that's not what this is about. Just kidding, it totally is. 

So starting with Clark, I would always feel a lot of anxiety and almost home sick every time I went to nurse him. Just for the first few minutes, I think. But I was a big mess of anxiety and had all sorts of feeding problems with him so whatever. But with the twins I was much calmer from the beginning and had much less trouble getting them to nurse and still had that sad, sinking feeling at the beginning of almost every feeding. I even said to my mom while I was still in the hospital, "I think I'm emotionally messed up because breastfeeding makes me feel depressed and I thought it was supposed to make you feel really calm and happy." She agreed that it was strange and I never mentioned it again or even really thought about it much. But to this day it happens a few times a day at least. 

Then a fellow twin mom posted this article and I was amazed at how perfectly it describe me. It's a thing. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who's a little mixed up.