Thursday, March 13, 2014

You know sometimes you have weird feelings and you think you're just nuts so you keep it to yourself? And then one day you find out that you're not alone, and it makes you feel validated and a little less nuts and it's such a relief you have to share it just in case someone else thinks they're the only one? Well that's not what this is about. Just kidding, it totally is. 

So starting with Clark, I would always feel a lot of anxiety and almost home sick every time I went to nurse him. Just for the first few minutes, I think. But I was a big mess of anxiety and had all sorts of feeding problems with him so whatever. But with the twins I was much calmer from the beginning and had much less trouble getting them to nurse and still had that sad, sinking feeling at the beginning of almost every feeding. I even said to my mom while I was still in the hospital, "I think I'm emotionally messed up because breastfeeding makes me feel depressed and I thought it was supposed to make you feel really calm and happy." She agreed that it was strange and I never mentioned it again or even really thought about it much. But to this day it happens a few times a day at least. 

Then a fellow twin mom posted this article and I was amazed at how perfectly it describe me. It's a thing. And I'm glad I'm not the only one who's a little mixed up. 

4 comments:

amanda and clay said...

Wow!! Who knew?? I've definitely felt this way when I was pumping exclusively but I figured that was why. How neat to have such a legitimate answer to validate a feeling that was probably very isolating. Thanks so much for sharing, this is such an important thing for people to know!! And way to go for nursing through it, I don't know that I could have.

Annie said...

Oh my gosh that is so interesting! I was fine with Jack, but with David, I have had what I thought was random bursts of stomach sinking anxiety and feelings that i am "trapped". I thought it was because with two kids, I do feel pretty trapped in our apartment, and getting out of the house feels like a pretty overwhelming and impossible task! Lol now I think back, those bursts of anxiety always happen when I'm nursing. Crazy.

Andrea said...

I love finding out I'm not alone in my "weird" thoughts and feelings. Thank you for sharing this:) And I love the new cacti in your header!

Lari said...

I must have been asleep when I said that to you because I felt the same kind of homesick feeling! I am so sorry you felt mentally ill because you know how normal I am and it sounds like you have the same sound mind.