Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Expecting Unexpectedly

One morning I woke up feeling a little ill. As I came out of my grogginess the word "morning sickness" popped into my head and jolted me awake. There's no way. Oh but there must have been some way, because there they were, two pink lines. And some choice words and instant hysterical crying. And then guilt for crying because human life is a miracle and babies are a blessing and so many people can't get pregnant when they really really want to. It's just a lot of feelings. I called Jacob and managed to tell him, and he was pretty relieved because at first he thought something was really wrong.

Just before that I had been feeling really good about not having more kids for a year or two. I even remember feeling a sense of completeness, and I thought that meant we were good for a while. It must have really meant there was a secret fetus growing to make us more complete. I've slowly moved from denial to acceptance--even occasional excitement. But I'm usually just scared. Jim Gaffigan said something about how having a fourth child is like you're drowning and then someone hands you a baby. That's exactly how I feel. And I don't think his oldest was a 3-year-old.

I'm due September 1 (and I said I would never be pregnant for an AZ summer again dang it).

4 comments:

Alyssa Monahan said...

Thank you for your honesty!! That's so exciting, though I'm sorry it was an unexpected surprise :) Yay for another cutie!

Annie said...

You got this, girl!!!!

CaraLu said...

Giiirl, you are not alone. I went through the same process. I still have a hard time accepting that I am going to have 3 kids under 16 months. I feel like people telling me congrats have condolences hidden in their words. I know life will feel less out of control for us someday!

David, Melissa, and kids said...

Awesome! That's how I was for the first ones... it's just how it is, now I'm on the other end hoping I can squeeze in a few more before my "window" is closed. Things change. You'll make it through! I even find myself thinking I wish I'd fit in a few more early on, even though I probably barely handled what I had. Anywho, congrats!