Sunday, May 6, 2012

This ish is bananas

Last week Jacob had to go to California to start work so that we would have health insurance and so he could find us a place to live. It was really hard for me to have him gone the entire week, but I survived! And then we were suppose to move into our perfect new home/apt./condo and start life.

But here I am, sitting at my parents' house while Jacob drives a U-Haul to California. He did find a really great place for us to live, but we won't be able to move in until mid June or later. So I had two choices: go live with complete strangers for two months and sit around their home all day with a crying newborn while Jacob was at work or stay here in Arizona with my parents but without my husband. Wait, where's the good alternative? I really didn't want to do either! But I knew that I needed to stay where I would feel most comfortable, where I could get Clark into a routine, and where I could have just a little stability amid all these huge changes.

I know it's not that big of deal--Jacob is flying down every weekend--but it is really hard for me. I've never liked change and especially hate when things don't go the way I had planned (ok, maybe I'm a control freak). And I really need my husband's love and support at this time where I feel like such a tired mess. wah wah, woe is me. I know so many people have it SO much worse. It just shows how incredibly easy my life has been that this is a struggle for me.

Now to be positive for a second. I would way rather wait a few months to live somewhere perfect for us than to settle for something crappy right now. I am really glad that I get to spend more time with family before we move away. I am glad that I don't have to settle in somewhere again and then again. I am glad that Clark can stay in a place where we've started to establish a routine and where so many people love him. And I really will be fine. I'm always doubting my ability to deal with hard things, and then with a lot a prayer and a little effort, I do just fine.

1 comment:

Brookelyn said...

That would be really hard, but I'm glad to have a little extra time to see you!! text me, beep me whenevs