This ish is bananas

Last week Jacob had to go to California to start work so that we would have health insurance and so he could find us a place to live. It was really hard for me to have him gone the entire week, but I survived! And then we were suppose to move into our perfect new home/apt./condo and start life.

But here I am, sitting at my parents' house while Jacob drives a U-Haul to California. He did find a really great place for us to live, but we won't be able to move in until mid June or later. So I had two choices: go live with complete strangers for two months and sit around their home all day with a crying newborn while Jacob was at work or stay here in Arizona with my parents but without my husband. Wait, where's the good alternative? I really didn't want to do either! But I knew that I needed to stay where I would feel most comfortable, where I could get Clark into a routine, and where I could have just a little stability amid all these huge changes.

I know it's not that big of deal--Jacob is flying down every weekend--but it is really hard for me. I've never liked change and especially hate when things don't go the way I had planned (ok, maybe I'm a control freak). And I really need my husband's love and support at this time where I feel like such a tired mess. wah wah, woe is me. I know so many people have it SO much worse. It just shows how incredibly easy my life has been that this is a struggle for me.

Now to be positive for a second. I would way rather wait a few months to live somewhere perfect for us than to settle for something crappy right now. I am really glad that I get to spend more time with family before we move away. I am glad that I don't have to settle in somewhere again and then again. I am glad that Clark can stay in a place where we've started to establish a routine and where so many people love him. And I really will be fine. I'm always doubting my ability to deal with hard things, and then with a lot a prayer and a little effort, I do just fine.