If I could freeze Clark in time right this second, I just might. The last few days he has been extra sweet, extra creative, and extra delighted by everything. Clapping & yelling "yay! so pretty!" every time I turn on a light, dancing to every song I make up like it's a chart-topper,  and thinking his waffle looks like a different animal each time he takes a new bite out of it. NOT throwing tantrums and screaming about every little thing and simply saying "it's ok!" or "careful!" when he gets hurt. Ya, you can stay this way for a while. Except the whole "some days I nap, some days I don't" thing. Let's work on that.

He sits here many afternoons, waiting for Jacob to get home.

It's November, After All

Last week, Clark decided to test out his independence by not sleeping. It was weird and exhausting... you know, because of the two newborns already keeping us up at night. Monday night was particularly awful and by Tuesday morning, I was a mess. I just knew I couldn't do it, so I had to humble myself a little and send out a text for help. Within minutes my mom and 3 sisters who I'd texted had all responded offering to take Clark or drop whatever they had to do that day and come over.

I just have to say, my family (including Jacob's) is really nice. Not the over-the-top, high-pitched, mushy kind of nice. For real nice. Like they spent their entire Saturday and other spare hours cleaning, painting, and unpacking my house while I put my fatty pregnant feet up. And babysit my maniac child so I can get out of the house for the first time in a week. And come visit when I'm lonely and stir crazy. And do my dishes. Never making a big show of it or looking for anything in return. So here I am bragging about them, and I guess that's my way of showing my gratitude. We're all a little emotionally retarded and not great at expressing our feelings or being affectionate, but at the end of the day I know they're willing to do anything to help me--I'll take that over hugs and mushy-talk any day. I owe you all big time!

Sunday

Today we brought all 3 kids to all 3 hours of church for the first time. We've been to just sacrament meeting a few times before which was no different than normal, because the babies just sleep the whole time. But by noon, they're ready for lunch. So I went to the mother's lounge with one baby, fed her, changed her and then switched Jacob for the next baby. Worked out pretty well. And I love my ward, because there are like 5 other moms feeding there babies, too, so we get to be social. Sometimes if there's just one other mom, it can be a little awkward (oh hey, my shirt's off and I'm covered in vomit. Nice to meet you). But with a group, it's great. Then in Relief Society a sweet lady held Wendy the whole time while Magnolia slept in her car seat. Thank goodness women love to hold newborns. Also two different people offered to bring me their outgrown extra diapers. The church is true!

Clark also got to go to nursery for the first time. I have looked forward to this day for about 9 months now. Unfortunately (once snack time was over), Clark was not a fan. You always see that clingy kid screaming in nursery and think "that will never be MY kid". Well it is. This seems pretty out of character for him, but he's been pretty dramatic lately. Can't blame him. Better luck next week.

And tonight just before putting Clark to bed, I had one of these rare moments where it fully hits me how lucky I am and my heart is so full of love for these little guys and joy that they're mine. I can't explain it without sounding like a super cheeseball but if you're a mom, you get it. Or just look at this picture and you maybe kind of get it.

Dad

 

I used to be a little jealous that Clark loves Dad best, but now nothing could make me happier. And when we called Jacob (still in California) on speaker phone the other day and I watched Clark's face go from joy to confused frustration that he couldn't get Dada out of the phone, it made me teary-eyed. Because we both need him here and because so much love in such a little boy is the sweetest thing I ever saw. I really wish every kid could have this kind of dad!

Some things Clark and I love about Jacob:

-He always wears Clark around the house as he vacuums or outside while he does yardwork.

-He's the best story reader. They like to play a game where Clark will press a picture in the book and Jacob will say what it is. Over. And over. ("tree. tree. tree. tree" "butterfly. butterfly. butterfly.") Then he says, "I'm like one of those book toys that reads out loud when you press the button!" I do not have the patience for this game and even when I try to, it's just not the same  

-He knows raising kids is a combined effort, not just the mom's job. The second he gets home from work, no matter how stressful his day, he takes over whatever I'm doing with Clark: playing, feeding, bedtime, etc. On the weekends he tells me to get out by myself or takes Clark out so I can have the house to myself for a little while.

-He can always make us laugh. His hold-Clark-and-crazy-dance parties are way better than mine.

-He sings to Clark almost every night before bed.

-He's always so concerned for our well-being and loves hearing every boring detail and minute milestone of our day.

Anddd he's just really cool. We love you and miss you!

Mother's Day

This morning Jacob made me a yummy breakfast. When he brought Clark to me and told him to give me hugs, the child swatted me away, pointed to a nearby lamp, and said "that? that?" Yep, that's my boy. I just keep in mind that someday (probably in 18 years or so) he'll appreciate me.

Then this afternoon Jacob left us to go to Arizona for some interviews so we've just been missing him. Every time he (or I) goes away I'm just amazed at moms who are always on their own, including Jacob's own mother for a couple years. I'm so grateful she was able to raise such an amazing boy despite hard times and allow me to steal him.
And of course I'm grateful for my wonderful mother who always loved all 7 of us obnoxious children unconditionally. And for my sisters who helped raise me.

Clark is One!

Clark's First Year from Natalli Ellsworth on Vimeo.

Well our baby is officially a whole year old! I won't lie and say I'd like to turn back time or even freeze it. I'm glad we've made it this far and I'm excited to continue watching him grow and learn. But ask me again in three or four years. I can honestly say that after the first couple months, time really flew by! We are so in love with this sweet, funny, opinionated little guy!

Liberty

Today I watched Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, a really good movie that I'm just now seeing for the first time. I especially like the part where he says:
 "Liberty is too precious a thing to be buried in books, Miss Saunders. Men should hold it up in front of them every single day of their lives and say, 'I'm free to think and to speak. My ancestors couldn't. I can. And my children will' "

Well there's one more huge blessing that I rarely think about. It is so true!

Desde que te he conocido yo vivo tan feliz

(I only speak Spanish in music lyrics)


Yesterday was our three year anniversary! We'll go out to celebrate sometime this weekend, but I felt like we should do something special on the actual day, so I set up a pretty fancy dinner. You know, lace tablecloth (paper doilies), candlelight (courtesy of Youtube), and some bubbly (Safeway brand sparkling cider). I even pulled out the nice plastic dishes instead of the usual paper. Oh and don't be deceived by the vase of green onions.

For dessert I prepared some fruit and cheesecake with chocolate fondue. YUMMM.

This is the place where I would like to share our wedding video but I, of all people, do not own a copy. So settle for this cute little vidy of our honeymoon:

moms and stuff

Things on my mind this mother's day:

*I'm really lucky to have such an amazing mom (read about why she's so great here) and a husband raised by an equally amazing mom

*Even though I have my rough days, I can't think of anything that would be better for me than being Clark's mom. For the longest time, I've known what kind of person I want to be and have worked and prayed for the qualities that would make me that person--without much success. But being a mom has compelled me to have more patience, charity, and pretty much all of the qualities I want/need. I guess the point is that we aren't just made better people because we want to be; we're given experiences that provide us opportunities for growth. blehh I can't really explain very well what I'm thinking, but this pretty much sums it up:

"Jesus’ love was inseparably connected to and resulted from his life of serving, sacrificing, and giving in behalf of others. We cannot develop Christlike love except by practicing the process prescribed by the Master...Is there a greater love among mortals than that of a mother, who offers all for her child? Many who desire to have charity like Jesus attain it as he did." (C. Max Caldwell)

*This video is amazing. I've always loved it, but it means so much more now...especially after a really stressful, discouraging day.

*What could be better than spending all my time with this guy? He really does get cuter every day.

 He sure loves his cousins (and attention). 

on my mind

I've been thinking a lot lately about how to be a good mom and which parenting styles work best and all that.Then I realize that even if I knew what perfect parenting looked like, I wouldn't be able to do it. The words of prophets and apostles always make me feel better, though. This snippet was especially encouraging:

"There is no one perfect way to be a good mother... Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children... What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else." Elder M. Russell Ballard

That I can do. 

mommish stuff

Disclaimer: this post will likely be overly sentimental and mushy (I'll just blame the pregnancy hormones like I do for everything else). You've been warned.

I always thought that before I got pregnant, I would for sure be really "baby hungry", but I wasn't really. I'm kind of glad, because I would never want to want a kid the way people want puppies.. like "ohhhh so cute, let's get one!" In fact, every time I thought about kids, I just felt really scared and thought about how unprepared I am to handle that kind of responsibility. I also thought about all the things having a baby meant I wouldn't get to do.

Luckily, in the two seconds that I stopped being selfish and really thought about it, it felt like the right thing to do. And then all of the sudden, before we could even think about changing our minds, I was pregnant!

Obv we (maybe just me) are still pretty freaked out, but I keep hearing/reading things that remind me that this is absolutely the best thing that could be happening to us right now. One of my favorites so far was a poem by Anne Campbell that President Hinckley quoted in this talk:

I already love baby so much that none of the other stuff even matters. It's the weirdest thing--in a good way.

Surprise

Sadly, I couldn't share the good news with my family in person, so I made this movie for my mom's birthday to announce my pregnancy:




A photo of her reaction:


She had been crying from all the sentimentality of the slide show+James Taylor, and then she was all excited. Obv.

Green Eyes

I love riding my bike to school with my good ol' ipod (from like 2006). I wish UT would stay pretty year-round, because it sure is great right now!

Also, this song reminds me always of Jacob. And I love it, and that's final.

You want the moon?

One of the best scenes in any movie ever


Watched it with my parents on New Years Eve.

365 days later...

We have officially survived an entire year of marriage!
We had a fun getaway weekend, but our camera is packed away, so that will have to come later. For now, I will just tell you how perfect we both are and all about our perfect marriage.
hah

O.k. we have our moments, and it hasn't always been easy. I sometimes wonder what I was thinking as a very immature 18-year-old deciding to take on something so serious. But then I remember that I would have been crazy to pass up Jacob. Really. I can't think of anyone else who would be sweet/calm/patient enough to deal with all of my drama queen moments.

And for the most part, it has been a lot of fun living with my BFF. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Oh and we still love each other to boot!

More Birthday Stuff

That lovely party happened 2 days before my real birthday. The next night, I felt that I should do some teenagery stuff before I turned the big 2-0. So Jacob and I snuck out to Wendy's in the middle of the night. I wanted to toilet paper our friends too, but Jacob was too mature (he's almost 24). Oh, but he did sing and dance to "I Can Go the Distance" for me. Then I told him that wasn't romantic enough, so he sang and danced to "She's so highhhhighhighh, high above me". Best gift ever.
The next morning, he made me breakfast, did my chores, gave presents, took me shopping, and we ate lunch at Carino's. mmmm. He said I also had to take a nap, sew, and go watch the Bachelorette finale so I would be doing all of my favorite things that day. I did. It was the greatest!
When Jacob got home we lit sparklers with a few friends. Then I accidentally lit a sparkler on Jacob's hand so now he has a really cool blister.

sums it up.

"You don't talk much.....

I like you!" -Up

Best.

Lari said... "You are WAY cuter than that prostitute looking girl. You are just perfect the way you are!"
This is just one of the many reasons my mom is the best. For my whole life she was telling me and my sisters how we were the prettiest, the most talented, and the smartest girls in the world.


Clearly she was mistaken. I did know she was exaggerating, but I almost believed her. By the time I realized that I was not in fact as amazing as she said, I didn't even care. Thanks mum!

Growing Up and Liking It

That was the name of a puberty film my mom showed my sisters and I when I was probably 6.
It also applies to this post, which will likely be long, cliche, and cheesy. That's just how I feel right now!

This is Donelle "Powdow". When I think of Donelle, I picture a little girl in spandex shorts and an over-sized Tweety Bird t-shirt, who couldn't pronounce her "r"s.

She taught me how to climb tress (I'm secretly terrified of heights),
and we had many secret clubs together. Whenever we played servant and princess, I made her be the servant. She never even complained about it. That's probably why Megynn Caffall and I always fought over who got to play with her.
She hated when people called her cute, but really. Look at those cheeks.

Yesterday she was the cutest little bride I've ever seen, and I'm so happy for her! But how did we get so old?! I really feel like we should still be playing house and rollerblading through chalk cities. I guess marriage is just the grown up version of playing house, and she was always really good at that game.
But seriously, she is the most selfless, giving person I know and will make a perfect wife.

This is another of my close friends, Shelby.
I think everyone in our high school chemistry class hated us, because we were really chatty and giggly all the time. We also tried to make love triangles by sending secret notes to people in class. Oh ya, and we made twin moles named Mary Kate and Ashley "Mole"sen.


The other day, Shelby became a mom. I don't think I've ever been so happy for someone. It's hard to explain, but just seeing pictures of her new son and knowing that will be me soon enough (as in 2 years), makes me realize how amazing it is. Really, it's a miracle!

So I guess what I'm saying is that being a kid was really fun, but the more difficult stuff means more. I think my sister, Kami, had a similar post and said everything I'm thinking 234 times more eloquently. {yep, here}

Also,I can't be sure because I'm still very much a kid.

Oh boy

Jacob remembers really random stuff to celebrate, and I love it. He cleaned and left me this message and took me to dinner. What a sweetheart!